Sometimes I feel like the worst person in the world
This is the Voice of depression, and you’d think I’d recognize it by now. But every time it comes back around, I trust it as absolute truth. I feel like the crabby old man in that book by James Stevenson, alone in a dark house covered in poison ivy:
The Voice stops any creative urges in their tracks. Not even morning pages are worthwhile… Anything I might write is mired in self-pity, it hisses. My words are boring and trite, indulgent and pathetic. No one cares, blah blah blah.
Writers block can be a symptom of depression. I suspect it is also a symptom of grief and a symptom of menopause, because how can you tease apart those overlapping experiences?
All over the internet, I see outspoken women who believe THEIR VOICE MATTERS. How did they find this unshakeable confidence, plus the willpower to assert it to the world?
Is it a certain astrological makeup? The right hormone therapy? The right life coach?
A few years ago I did a Human Design reading, and among the many interesting things revealed by that system of knowledge, I learned that I have the Gate of Doubt in my head center.
No matter what I do, doubt will always be with me. I need to make friends with it, stop thinking something is wrong because doubt is present. Maybe someday I will write a poem called “The Gate of Doubt” and see where it takes me.
Right now I’m trying to be gentle with myself and accept that I’m struggling and stuck. It’s Mud Season, after all.
Poetry is good medicine
I visited James Crews’ writing community, The Monthly Pause a few weeks ago, and we had a wonderful talk about poetry and grief, love and loss, illness and self-compassion. Afterwards, James called me “wise” (thank you dear James!). We discussed my poem “Medicine,” which I wrote during a chronic pain flareup. It’s a gentle poem about different forms of healing and giving myself permission to take pharmaceutical medication.
Ironically, I still need to read my own poem aloud and take in the words. Self-forgiveness is a lifelong journey. You can listen to “Medicine” here, or read it in a copy of Dark Beds. Right now I don’t feel much like the person on this instagram slide, but I know she’s in there:
Write with me this spring
I’m excited to offer a generative poetry workshop through Writers in Progress starting in April. It’s online so you can join in from anywhere! This will be a compassionate space for writers of all genres. Whether you’re a seasoned poet or new to poem-making, join me for prompts and inspiration, structured time to write, followed by supportive feedback. Stay tuned for dates and details.
Nature & Desire: A Workshop for Poets & Curious Prose Writers is coming to beautiful Word House in Marlboro, VT— in person on May 25! Created by writer and educator Robin MacArthur, Word House is a haven for creativity set in the midst of wildflower fields, berry bushes, deep woods, and the magic of a working Vermont farm. This half-day workshop is open to ALL WRITERS and includes time for reflection in nature. Details coming soon 🌷
Do you have a writing project you’re looking to move forward? No matter how small, I’d love to help you. I have space to take on a few new editing and coaching clients this season. Learn more and sign up for a free discovery call HERE.
Total Eclipse of the Sun… 🎵
Start singing Bonnie Tyler’s 80s power ballad now because a total solar eclipse will be visible across North America on April 8th. Much of Vermont is in the path of totality and tens of thousands of eclipse-watchers will be traveling to our state. I’ll be watching from Craftsbury as the Moon’s shadow completely blocks the face of the Sun. I can’t wait.
AND I’m doing an eclipse-themed poetry reading on April 7 as part of PoemCity in Montpelier, along with some amazing women poets.
SEEN AND UNSEEN: Poets in Conversation 🌖🌗🌑
Join award-winning poets Karin Gottshall (The River Won’t Hold You), Elizabeth Powell (Atomizer), Alison Prine (Steel), Bianca Stone (What Is Otherwise Infinite), and Diana Whitney (Dark Beds) on the eve of the total eclipse of the sun. In poems and conversation, they’ll delve into themes of light and shadow, seen and unseen, presence and absence, exploring how poetry can reveal what is hidden and offer us insight and illumination.Sunday April 7, 3 pm - Unitarian Church, Montpelier VT
Not the cruelest month 🐥🌱
April promises wild weather and a bounty of poetry fun. Come out and join me for a reading somewhere!
April 2 @ 6 pm- Writers Night Out, Forbes Library, Northampton MA
April 7 @ 3 pm- Seen and Unseen: Poets in Conversation, PoemCity, Montpelier VT
April 12-14 - Nossrat Nassini Poetry Festival, University of New Hampshire
April 17 @ 7 pm- Hartland Poetry Fest, Hartland VT
You cannot force poetry
With a ruler or jail it at a desk.- Joy Harjo
(Listen to Harjo read this poem “Break My Heart”)
New Books I Love
Fifty Beasts to Break Your Heart by GennaRose Nethercott.
A deliciously creepy, enticing book of stories by the author of Thistlefoot (one of my favorite novels). From the occult-loving teen girls in “A Diviner’s Abecedarian” to the predatory huntress in “The Autumn Kill,” Nethercott’s writing is laced with heat and strangeness, honed with a poet’s lyricism. A perfect treat for your sweetheart… or a parting gift for your ex 🖤
The Weird Sister Collection, edited by Marisa Crawford.
This book is the feminist pop-culture treasure trove I didn’t know I was waiting for. Witchy, funny, and smart as hell, the 47 short essays include a bevy of brilliant writers, including Morgan Parker (on bell hooks and Laverne Cox) and Sam Cohen (on the queer selfhood of Jenny Schechter), plus a pitch-perfect forward by Michelle Tea. “The White Male Canon in Nineties Pop Songs” by poet and editor Marisa Crawford made me laugh, swoon, and wish she’d been my college English professor. Don’t you want to know what famed literary text pairs with Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”?
Thick With Trouble, by Amber McBride.
Of course I needed to read a poetry collection that plays with the word “trouble.” This bold debut by award-winning novelist McBride explores Black womanhood in the American South— in haunting poems that channel the ancestors and sing of blood and swagger and history, all organized by reimagined tarot cards. Spells, prayers, dreams, eulogies, love stories—the voices of strong women resound in this collection, full of magic and power:
My grandma says, there are two births. The get born one & no more fucks to give one. She says, the second one is the hardest. You gotta rebreak to set it right.
- Amber McBride
Best short reads
Graphic artist and writer Aubrey Hirsh on “casual” sexual assault
Hila Ratzabi on Jewish Ecopoetry
Gorgeous new poem by Allison Joseph: “Incognito Grief: A Blues”
Sustainable Arts Foundation’s Tony and Caroline Grant, on transforming structures and returning their foundation’s funds to the indigenous communities from which they were taken. I am inspired by this model of reparations in action.
Girl Trouble was written by a human, not by AI. I did not attend the author webinar on how quickly and easily you can create engaging newsletters and posts using ChatGPT. Maybe I will regret it, but I did catch the full sap moon rising over the melting snowfields.
Thanks for getting into girl trouble with me. Hang in there, spring is coming.
xo Diana
P.S. Want to read more GT content? Let me know your preference… feminist rants or personal musings, book reviews or writing prompts?
P.P.S. Still dreaming of Ruby Rose in EverMoist… 🔥
Your thoughts on self doubt & voice are so intriguing…as one of those women who proclaims that her voice matters, I think it’s interesting to think about because, as much as I say that and believe it, sometimes it can be difficult to break the barriers we place on ourselves. I think there can be gaps between the internal and external knowing, the inner belief that your voice has value and the external showing of your voice through poetry, writing, etc. Self doubt still is very real, for myself at least. I think that the two areas can live side by side, despite us all wanting and working to remove the doubt.
I also want to say to you, Diana, that what yiu have written about self-doubt as an author resonated with me. While I was writing my memoir (a very personal and unflinchingly honest story) I seemed to vasilate between "yeah, this is good" and "who is going to want to read this drivel?". It was quite a ride. I thought it was because I was new, although I had a feeling that other authors experience this. Your sharing of your own doubts has been validating. I have so much respect for your work, by the way, back to when you wrote about being in the baby cave in the Reformer. I loved that column!